Sun, 13 Jul 2025 14:02:32 EDT
Consider This Sentence
The following sentence occurs in The Winnipeg Free Press on Apple News. “Hemmed in by fire and smoke, evacuation airlifts continued Saturday in Garden Hill Anisininew Nation, as communities around Manitoba remained on high alert during the province’s worst wildfire season on record in 30 years.”
The captain hereby declares that journalists that use as as a coordinating conjunction must wear t-shirts that read, “The captain is disappointed with me.” Get that comma out of there, and don’t give me the excuse that the comma is a visual pause.
I will discover who flew the planes so that I can put the first clause into the active voice.
I will replace during because of my deep dislike of present participles. I will remove the phrase on record because it is unnecessary.
I will replace communities…remained on high alert with a statement that the province has declared a state of emergency. This conveys the same meaning but more emphatically.
My rewrite: “On Saturday, the CAF airlifted the last trapped residents of the Garden Hill Anisininew Nation to Winnipeg. The Manitoba government has declared a province-wide state of emergency in response to the worst wildfire season in 30 years.”