Wed, 22 Jan 2025 15:44:25 EST
Consider This Sentence
The following sentence occurs in an article in The Toronto Star on Apple News. “An emerging drug cartel reportedly led by a former Mexican cop with the nickname ‘El Mencho’ is believed to be at the core of the biggest cocaine bust in Toronto history, with the seizure of more than 835 kilograms of cocaine with an estimated street value of more than $83 million, police say.”
The run-on in question credits the criminals with being at, “the core,” of the, “bust,” which suggests that the crooks helped the investigation. The use of with to introduce the final phrases of the sentence suggests that the crooks seized their own product for the police.
My rewrite: “Toronto Police have seized 835 kilograms of cocaine in the largest cocaine bust in the city’s history. Police believe that Mexico’s Jalisco New Generation Cartel is the exporter of the contraband to Canada. The street value of the cocaine is estimated at $83 million.”
I cast the last sentence into the passive voice to avoid using police as the subject of three consecutive sentences.
Further details should be introduced in subsequent paragraphs.