Wed, 10 Jul 2024 12:54:33 EDT

### Wiener Madness

Once upon a time, a package of Schneider’s Red Hots contained 12 wieners. In that era, a package of buns contained 8 buns. To have a bun for every wiener, you had to buy 2 packages of wieners and 3 packages of buns because the lowest common multiple of 12 and 8 is 24. Outrageous, but you could cope. You could take the items out of their packaging and put them in the fridge or the freezer in plastic containers and consume on demand.

Today, a package of Red Hots contains 10 wieners. You need 4 packages of wieners and 5 packages of buns because the LCM of 10 and 8 is 40.

Certain brands of buns come in packages of 6, but I don’t like them. If you use those buns, you only need 3 packages of wieners and 5 packages of buns because the LCM of 10 and 6 is 30.

Schneider’s Juicy Jumbos come in packages of 5 wieners. With 8-bun packages of buns, you need 8 packages of wieners and 5 packages of buns because the LCM of 5 and 8 is 40. With 6-bun packages of buns, you need 6 packages of wieners and 5 packages of buns because the LCM of 5 and 6 is 30.

If you are inclined to do so, you can buy No Name brand chicken wieners in packages of 39. You need 8 packages of wieners and 39 8-bun packages of buns because the LCM of 39 and 8 is 312. With 6-bun packages of buns, you need 2 packages of wieners and 13 packages of buns because the LCM of 39 and 6 is 78.

Schneider’s BBQ Size wieners come in packages of 8. You need 1 package of wieners and 1 8-bun package of buns. I waited decades for this.

The Great and Terrible Captain Cucamunga demands that the senior management of all the wiener manufacturers wear t-shirts that read, “The captain is disappointed with me.”